I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
