Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
