brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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