oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You took a bar mat shot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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