There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
