I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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