ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We need to get me chipped asap
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
