Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry my hands just texted you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
