Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
