you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
