my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
