I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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