this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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