She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize