So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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