I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
