you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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