Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
