TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
