She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
