I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
