we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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