sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
