That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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