Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Im part way to drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
