tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
