Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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