Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
