I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
