he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
