How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
