do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
