brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
