My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
