You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
