Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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