sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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