Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
