We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
