There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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