we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
