Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
