I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
