if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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