In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
