HIV tests are more positive than that guy
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
