Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
