So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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