White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
