I skipped work to stalk him.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
