I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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