she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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