Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
