Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
