did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
