Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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