What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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