Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
