People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
