Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just had sex bonerless
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
