Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
