I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
