Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize