The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
