but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
