i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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