WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can text with my tongue
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
