I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
