Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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