I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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