Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
