If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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