One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh god it's open bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize