That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
